how am I failing??!?!?/what result am I not seeing?!?!
I need to get laid/get a macarthur genius award/find art space/dive into cats/a hug/be fully understood.
Every day I anesthetize my intellect with coffee and work and songs. To live until another day just like it. "every day is exactly the same"
I feel wasted.
see, this is part of how this blog helps me. I can leave little notes for myself and look at them later in a different light. in fact, I do this a lot.
maybe not everyone is hit by these 60ft. waves of futility, frustration, apathy, & what could fairly be called fear.
maybe that is why mostly, the world seems normal, & makes a certain amount of sense. the sun came up this morning, huge cracks are not appearing in the earth's surface, & big rocks are not falling out of the sky. there's no reason on earth for me to feel personally persecuted.
as I am able to discover the ways to return myself to normal, I do live me again