life (85) warhammer (50) politics (40) art (38) artists (27) mental health (26) future (25) music (22) culture (18) rabbit hole (12) wolfram (11) morality (8) poetry (8) brutal (7) camp awesome (7) personal history (7) poem (7) psoriasis (7) purity control (7) nWo (6) shame (6) cats (5) fear (5) books (4) crime (4) health (4) map (4) modelling (4) otherworld (4) sexuality (4) canada (3) technology (3) christasthostoraoraret (2) game/play (2) guilt (2) love (2) story (2) sundance (2) words (2) writing (2) zen (2) arcology (1) boomers (1) dream (1) eagles (1) fish (1) fluff (1) food (1) goldstream (1) haiku (1) hands (1) heroism (1) hockey (1) hummingbirds (1) instruments (1) magic (1) money (1) nature (1) sick (1) song (1) teeth (1) whales (1) win (1) youth (1)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

nothing ever changes!!!!!! / reprise

days like today...

how am I failing??!?!?/what result am I not seeing?!?!

I need to get laid/get a macarthur genius award/find art space/dive into cats/a hug/be fully understood.

Every day I anesthetize my intellect with coffee and work and songs. To live until another day just like it. "every day is exactly the same"

I feel wasted.

...

see, this is part of how this blog helps me. I can leave little notes for myself and look at them later in a different light. in fact, I do this a lot.

maybe not everyone is hit by these 60ft. waves of futility, frustration, apathy, & what could fairly be called fear.

maybe that is why mostly, the world seems normal, & makes a certain amount of sense. the sun came up this morning, huge cracks are not appearing in the earth's surface, & big rocks are not falling out of the sky. there's no reason on earth for me to feel personally persecuted.

as I am able to discover the ways to return myself to normal, I do live me again

2 comments:

  1. 60ft. waves of futility, frustration, apathy, & what could fairly be called fear.

    I know exactly what you mean.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yah man
    with any luck other ppl will read us & know & have the words to describe what is happening to them & so get a handle on it
    <3
    Chris

    ReplyDelete