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Sunday, February 13, 2011

"What shall we ever do?"

"My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me."
-- The Waste Land (T.S. quoting Vivian Eliot)

I am in pain tonight, and the best thing I can do for it alone is to write.

"What shall I do now? What shall I do?"
"I shall rush out as I am, and walk the street
"With my hair down, so. What shall we do to-morrow?
"What shall we ever do?"
-- The Waste Land

How do I keep doing what I love? How much more than zero money can I force myself to accept before it constitutes selling out everything I've fought and died for?

When beauty is abstracted
Then ugliness has been implied;
When good is abstracted
Then evil has been implied.
-- Tao Te Ching, Lao Tse (Peter Merel's Interpolation)

Am I just going to keep burning in a day job 'forever', working my art as second fiddle, however committedly and with my real passion, tear myself in half?

Too much desire tears the heart.
-- Tao Te Ching

Do I do what I really can in life? And would that make me rendered unacceptable for labour in a zero-sum world, to fall and depend on charity from people not astute enough to know they are probably robbing their own mouths?

This is keeping me up nights. God damn I hate stupid people.
-- Swimming Eagle, c. 41,000 C.E.

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