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Wednesday, April 6, 2011

beautiful day / bad day

the sun shines on wet cherry blossoms... and I am very, very unhappy.

no-one has contacted me yet about picking tracks for karoshi. is it just too soon? or is it not that appealing of an idea? is my music just not that good? my insecure brain is hardwired to barf up these kinds of thoughts. and I have to deal with them at work, instead of curled up in three loving cats. this is clearly my fault for getting up this morning instead of being reasonable and suffocating on my pillow quietly during the night.

in ralph-awful moods like this one, I really start to wonder if being exceptional has a future. is this the best that society feels I deserve? not in terms of, friends, or awesome experiences, but security and quality of life... I mean... I work a job. a staff of highly trained monkeys could do my job, any passably bright person able to lift 50lbs. could do my job...

is it time for me to stop focusing on music and poetry and maybe, travel or start a family? being normal human things most any passably bright person would want to do, and be able to do?

what would that say about everything my life has stood for? what would that say about art and its value? what does that say about society, that I should stand (perhaps) a better chance at actually being happy if I in a sense destroy what is so unique and special about me?

this is a day in an indefinite progression of days, I know I will get through it, and the next day, and the one after that. but fuck, do I hate this fucking shit motherfucker fuck crap fuck. god fucking damn it.

-------

wow. yeah.

in some respects, I feel large and in charge...

in others... completely helpless, frustrated and inferior.

2 comments:

  1. Mate, sorry for being slow on the uptake. I've been trying to limit my web use and the project missed me the first time you posted it.

    I'm going to pick two classics, and still my two favourite songs of yours (barring some fine work with Flying Pie):

    Walking Under a Dying Sky
    Deus Ex Machina

    For a more recent selection, I would have to pick The City Game. But I wonder if I could try something with it. I think it would work beautifully with lyrics rather than spoken word, something in the Massive Attack trip-hop mode. If you happen to have a copy without vocals, could I experiment with my rudimentary recording capabilities?

    I'm also happy to peruse an album for further highlights. Maybe something recent? I've only heard the two songs from Fox that are on your website and I'd love to hear the whole album, for example.

    B.

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  2. Holy cow man, love.
    where do I start :)))
    Flying Pie = was made of awesome.
    I like your idea for City Game, I can render a track sans vocals to send to you. Mr. Moss singing again would not be missed!
    Fox had a difficult genesis and I want to sit down with it and confirm the track roster, but I would be more than happy to send you one once I'm satisfied. If I find jewel cases I'll do one up all nice :)
    more on this later, undoubtedly :)
    love
    C.

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